Monday, September 12, 2011

In The Storm

I had some quiet time today while the kids were napping and actually had time to read God's Word and pray without kids running around me. I was praying and honestly having a hard time getting words out. You know those times when you have so much to say and so much to pray about but you just can't get it out?

Right about that time, the song Praise You In This Storm came on the radio. It's one of my favorites and I've heard it a million times but it really spoke to me today.

When you're going through the great times in life when everything is good (bills are paid, everyone's healthy, you're standing on a mountain), it's so easy to just praise and praise the Lord for the blessings. But when you go through those hard times when EVERY SINGLE THING in your world is upside's so hard to even lift your hands up.

Kari is doing so good right now and I'm so thankful for it. But it's like I've reached this point in this new journey where I'm struggling to accept the changes. I was looking at some old pictures of Kari, just 2 weeks before she was diagnosed, and I completely had a break down. My beautiful, innocent 4 year old is no longer innocent. She's still beautiful and always will be but she's changed so much emotionally and otherwise. It's heartbreaking to see it. Our lives have changed from normal (a crazy normal) to...well, I don't really know what it is now. And I've struggled to praise God the past few weeks. I've struggled to accept that He is God and what He does is right. In the beginning of our journey, it seems that I had an easier time accepting things but now, it's sinking in that this journey has and will forever change us.

But when that song came on today, I realized that even though life is hard to accept and it's hard to deal with at times, God truly is with us in our storm. The chorus of that song says this:

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I cry
You hold in your hands
You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

Sometimes I feel like God doesn't see all the tears in the middle of the night. That the all-knowing, all-seeing God doesn't hear the cries of this heart-broken mama. But to know that he holds our tears in His! I was so encouraged by this song tonight. I was also a little rebuked. God is the God over the good times and the bad times. Should we not praise Him through both? Should we not trust Him enough to know that He is in control even when things are not the way we think they should be?

Yep. And I haven't been. God has been so faithful to us. To ME. I don't doubt His ability to take care of us but at the same time....can I trust Him enough to PRAISE Him through these hard times?

Whewee. That's a hard thing to do but I'm asking the Lord to help me to praise Him through it all. Because it's not MY will, but His. My mom sent me a text message the other morning from her daily devotions and it said this: The great thing is to suffer without being discouraged. Another rebuke. LOL!

So, anyway, that's my sermon for the day! We have clinic tomorrow and we will start a new phase of treatment. Please pray that this treatment goes as well as the others! My mother in law will probably be posting next. I'm sure you all will be glad not to have to read my ramblings! LOL!

Thank you for praying for our family! It carries us through! :)


  1. Okay, little miss!! I told you not to make me cry, u know how easily I do that anyway!! I was just looking at Kari's pic from Kars 4 Kari, and noticing how healthy and happy she looked. She doesn't have that innocent child-like look anymore. So very grown up for a 4 year old that it makes me wanna bawl to think about it. Hopefully these next treatments of chemo won't be too hard on our baby; she's finally starting to get her "little miss" personality back. I noticed her voice is becoming stronger, as are her legs. Don't forget to keep giving her and bubby their Flintstones, they need to keep their strength up. Sissy is gonna buy them some pumpkins, and we're REALLY gonna carve them this year. Love and miss you guys too many, SIS

  2. Wow...and I was complaining yesterday because my husband bought an ugly loveseat without consulting me first! You just put me in my place! But in a good way!

    It sounds like you are grieving that normal life that you lost...and that's OK. Let yourself--you will be healthier for it in the end.

    Thanks for being so real and sharing your thoughts so candidly. What a blessing!

  3. My heart and my prayers go out to you. I know your mountain quickly turned into a valley, but I also know there are lilies down there. I pray for strength for each and everyone of you.
    God bless,
    Carrie....a sister in the Lord

  4. I love that song! I admire your honesty.

    Romans 8:28
    "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to HIS purpose."

    You love him and are called for HIS purpose. YOu are awesome Ashley. Hold your head up!

    Love you! Lorie M.

  5. Girl I admire you to the limit. I know we see our own struggles better than everyone else but don't scold youself to bad you have been a light you will never know through your storm and I know that don't make the storm easier but you are a jewel ! I can only pray to have the sweet spirit you have with everything. Love and prayers!

  6. I also love that song! Great song to hear at hard times. You are always in my prayers. I know there will be hard times and days you cry. Bro. Randy Webb preached a very touching message the other night titled "Try Tears". He preached about when a child of God cries it breaks His heart and He knows every tear we cry. We may think our tears are unnoticed but God always sees. Love you and praying for you all!

  7. Everything you said is so true. God is good and sometimes it is very hard to praise him when everything is going wrong. But what an awesome reminder that even in our darkest moments, He is still God.. Wweeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning. Praying for your family

  8. Ashlee...I love you all more than words can say. I can't wait to see you all again. :) Praying for you always!

    Tash & Jon

  9. Praying for you guys!
    Love you all.

  10. Found your blog through a comment on Kelly's Korner. Praying for healing for your sweet baby! I am an ALL leukemia survivor myself. Our God is bigger than any cancer!

  11. Change can be a terrible thing, I know. My heart goes out to you all. Praying for happy days!! Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6
    ~Lacey Smith

  12. Still praying for your precious baby girl and for all of you. I know exactly what you mean about prayer and not finding the words. It happens to all of us. I also know how hard it is to praise in hard times, but He will bring you through it. So glad that Kari is doing better. :)


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