I had some quiet time today while the kids were napping and actually had time to read God's Word and pray without kids running around me. I was praying and honestly having a hard time getting words out. You know those times when you have so much to say and so much to pray about but you just can't get it out?
Right about that time, the song Praise You In This Storm came on the radio. It's one of my favorites and I've heard it a million times but it really spoke to me today.
When you're going through the great times in life when everything is good (bills are paid, everyone's healthy, you're standing on a mountain), it's so easy to just praise and praise the Lord for the blessings. But when you go through those hard times when EVERY SINGLE THING in your world is upside down...it's so hard to even lift your hands up.
Kari is doing so good right now and I'm so thankful for it. But it's like I've reached this point in this new journey where I'm struggling to accept the changes. I was looking at some old pictures of Kari, just 2 weeks before she was diagnosed, and I completely had a break down. My beautiful, innocent 4 year old is no longer innocent. She's still beautiful and always will be but she's changed so much emotionally and otherwise. It's heartbreaking to see it. Our lives have changed from normal (a crazy normal) to...well, I don't really know what it is now. And I've struggled to praise God the past few weeks. I've struggled to accept that He is God and what He does is right. In the beginning of our journey, it seems that I had an easier time accepting things but now, it's sinking in that this journey has and will forever change us.
But when that song came on today, I realized that even though life is hard to accept and it's hard to deal with at times, God truly is with us in our storm. The chorus of that song says this:
I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I cry
You hold in your hands
You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
Sometimes I feel like God doesn't see all the tears in the middle of the night. That the all-knowing, all-seeing God doesn't hear the cries of this heart-broken mama. But to know that he holds our tears in His hands...wow! I was so encouraged by this song tonight. I was also a little rebuked. God is the God over the good times and the bad times. Should we not praise Him through both? Should we not trust Him enough to know that He is in control even when things are not the way we think they should be?
Yep. And I haven't been. God has been so faithful to us. To ME. I don't doubt His ability to take care of us but at the same time....can I trust Him enough to PRAISE Him through these hard times?
Whewee. That's a hard thing to do but I'm asking the Lord to help me to praise Him through it all. Because it's not MY will, but His. My mom sent me a text message the other morning from her daily devotions and it said this: The great thing is to suffer without being discouraged. Another rebuke. LOL!
So, anyway, that's my sermon for the day! We have clinic tomorrow and we will start a new phase of treatment. Please pray that this treatment goes as well as the others! My mother in law will probably be posting next. I'm sure you all will be glad not to have to read my ramblings! LOL!
Thank you for praying for our family! It carries us through! :)
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