Monday, July 11, 2011
Honesty and Updates
Just being honest, I had a slight melt down tonight after everyone left. It hit me that our "normal" life no longer exists. Yes, we can make a new "normal" but cancer affects EVERY single aspect of your life. It's been a huge eye opener for me. It's so common to hear that someone has cancer and when you hear it you say a prayer and move on. I pray I never do that again. People have gone out of their way for us and I'm so thankful and hope that one day I can return the blessings! People have started prayer chains left and right, taken up money for expenses for us, brought gifts for the princess (who is a little spoiled, ha ha!), brought us all food...seriously, it leaves me speechless! I'm so thankful.
Kari is still fever free, thank God! But it seems like today has been a rough day for her. She has been really tired and, of course, the steroids are making her moody as they told us they would. Even if the steroids weren't making her that way, what almost-4-year-old wouldn't be moody and hateful in this situation? Geez. We have more chemo tomorrow and we're prayerful that she will react to it well. Her blood counts are steady and the doctors say she is doing exactly as she should be doing. How good can God be??? :) Also, I know you would never guess that I would be talking to people (ha ha), but we've been meeting our fellow cancer families. Kari got to give some toys to a few other kids here and it was so precious! I'm loving talking to these people and learning about their families. I hate the circumstances but we're meeting some awesome people!
So, back to more honesty. Cancer...I hate it. I hate it that my baby has to lay in a hospital bed hooked up to medicine for days and days. I hate it that we can't be with Malachi right now because he has a bad cold. I hate it that Kari has to endure 2 years or more of treatment. I hate it that there is a hospital floor full of kids suffering from this horrible disease. I. Hate. Cancer.
HOWEVER. I love that I have wonderful friends and family who text or call or visit to let us know that they care. I know that some of you have sent text messages or emails and think that I'm just too busy to know or remember. But that's what I go back to when I'm here alone at night. I go back to those texts and emails and read them and remember that people are praying and thinking of us. I love that Beth came to do pictures of Kari tonight. I just saw two sneak peaks of them and they are breath taking. Our nurse tonight teared up just looking at them on my phone. I love that my baby is snuggled up beside me saying "Mommy, I love you."
But most of all, I love how the Lord loves us and gives us new strength for each day. The Lord has proved Himself to me time and time again but it still amazes me His love for us. I can't thank Him enough for His peace, His strength and for being my Father.
Thanks for praying and caring for us!