Just being honest, I had a slight melt down tonight after everyone left. It hit me that our "normal" life no longer exists. Yes, we can make a new "normal" but cancer affects EVERY single aspect of your life. It's been a huge eye opener for me. It's so common to hear that someone has cancer and when you hear it you say a prayer and move on. I pray I never do that again. People have gone out of their way for us and I'm so thankful and hope that one day I can return the blessings! People have started prayer chains left and right, taken up money for expenses for us, brought gifts for the princess (who is a little spoiled, ha ha!), brought us all food...seriously, it leaves me speechless! I'm so thankful.
Kari is still fever free, thank God! But it seems like today has been a rough day for her. She has been really tired and, of course, the steroids are making her moody as they told us they would. Even if the steroids weren't making her that way, what almost-4-year-old wouldn't be moody and hateful in this situation? Geez. We have more chemo tomorrow and we're prayerful that she will react to it well. Her blood counts are steady and the doctors say she is doing exactly as she should be doing. How good can God be??? :) Also, I know you would never guess that I would be talking to people (ha ha), but we've been meeting our fellow cancer families. Kari got to give some toys to a few other kids here and it was so precious! I'm loving talking to these people and learning about their families. I hate the circumstances but we're meeting some awesome people!
So, back to more honesty. Cancer...I hate it. I hate it that my baby has to lay in a hospital bed hooked up to medicine for days and days. I hate it that we can't be with Malachi right now because he has a bad cold. I hate it that Kari has to endure 2 years or more of treatment. I hate it that there is a hospital floor full of kids suffering from this horrible disease. I. Hate. Cancer.
HOWEVER. I love that I have wonderful friends and family who text or call or visit to let us know that they care. I know that some of you have sent text messages or emails and think that I'm just too busy to know or remember. But that's what I go back to when I'm here alone at night. I go back to those texts and emails and read them and remember that people are praying and thinking of us. I love that Beth came to do pictures of Kari tonight. I just saw two sneak peaks of them and they are breath taking. Our nurse tonight teared up just looking at them on my phone. I love that my baby is snuggled up beside me saying "Mommy, I love you."
But most of all, I love how the Lord loves us and gives us new strength for each day. The Lord has proved Himself to me time and time again but it still amazes me His love for us. I can't thank Him enough for His peace, His strength and for being my Father.
Thanks for praying and caring for us!
Ashley :)
Ashlee, you are truly an inspiration. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My son was 4 when he had to spend 3 weeks in the hospital for something very minor compared to cancer. Those were the longest weeks of my life and I so relate to wishing to take the pain away for your child. But you are a great mommy and you are making a terrible situation for Kari better. I am praying for you and your family and look forward to the day you tell us all that Kari is cancer-free!!!
ReplyDeleteValery McMann
Hi, Ashlee. I have been following your blog ever since I heard it exsisted. We are praying earnestly for Kari's recovery. We are also praying that God will give your family rest and peace during this hard battle. I keep going back to what you and Lacey sang at our church a couple weeks ago, "everything's gonna turn out right, you'll see." You all sang for over an hour trying to encourage us. Little did we know that it was you fixing to face the storm. Remember, "it makes no difference what the dr says."
ReplyDeleteMaynard and Amy Parker
Ashlee, I wanna come see yall so bad! Think they would let me bring us a sewing machine so we could get some sewing done??? Just kidding! Steven said that if trinity ain't any better by next week, then we will leave her with my mom and come to see ya next week. Love you and little Kari both!
ReplyDeleteAshlee, I wont begin to say that I understand what you're going thru, I don't, but you are an amazing woman of strength. God promises to not put more on us than we can handle, although He does push it sometimes...His love for us is simply amazing. He is preparing you and Kari for something, trust that. Also, know that we are praying and thinking about you daily. Remember Proverbs 3:5.
ReplyDeleteIn His Love,
Kim Jones
we are wanting to come to see you guys.When I thought about posting,the first thing that came to my mind was the song "It Is Well With My Soul". I wont try to spell the mans name that wrote it,but he had just lost his buasiness due to fire.Then on a voyage across the ocean his wife and daughters were drowned. he penned this song after all that. I can't say I have always felt this way,but thru some of my darkest moments is when he made Himself sooo real to me.Praying for the "Son" to shine in this present storm!!!!
ReplyDeletegjhk
ReplyDeleteOkay so let's pretend that I didn't just post that! LOL!! Back to what I really wanted to post...
ReplyDeleteHey!! I had such a good time playing with Kari last night. I hate seeing her hooked up to all that stuff and in so much pain, etc. But I know that God wouldn't put such a sweet, beautiful,intelligent, AWESOME little girl through something so terrible if didn't have a WONDERFUL plan in the end. I can't wait to get back up there to see that princess! Tell her that Toshy Bug and Jon said Hello, we are praying and love her dearly!! & that it's just 32 days until we both get to dress up like princesses and get married! Although, she don't have to dress up to be a princess because she is ALWAYS a princess!!
Love you guys and we're praying always!
Girl, you inspire me so much! You have a way of seeing the good things & I love that about you! I love reading these posts & seeing the pictures. We are praying for you all!
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty here....this blog is one of the ways that Kari's little life is reaching more people than you can probably imagine.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you all rest well tonight and I love you Noe's very much. Goodnight Kari and Ashley :)
Still praying, Ashley. Know that Kari will not just be a passing prayer for us. We will pray diligently. Your faith is an inspiration to me and your struggle is bringing many even closer to the Lord. I pray that the chemo goes well today and that little Kari has a good day. I will also say a prayer that Malachi gets well quickly so you can see him soon.
ReplyDeleteAshley, I want you to know I have been praying for you and your whole family, especially kari.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I hear the song what if my blessing come through rain drops, what if my healing comes through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you're near, what if the trials of this life are the blessings in disguise, I think about you all. I don't know what your going through, but I do know what it is like to to have a child spend weeks at a time in the hospital (which is not compared to Kari's amount of time according to Dr's theory) and go through spinal taps due to pressure on the brain and it was hard for my child. The doctors gave her 50/50% chance to live life to the fullest and I know there are years to come that will be uncertain, will there be pain? will something unexpected befall us? Like with kari there maybe days that will be uncertain there maybe good days and you give God the praise for them and there maybe days where it takes all you have to fight (kick and scream) and you have to ask God to be that friend and source of strength in the midnight hour, as I'm sure you have all ready found Him to be. My prayers are with you and surely there is a blessing somewhere in the midst of all of this. Soon as we are all well we would like to see Kari. We put in prayer request everywhere we go. We will be praying for the others as well. Your blog and life is a reflection of your strength through Christ and maybe you can reach and help others as well. Kari is a sweet princess and full of life and brightness and I'm sure she has all ready touched so many lives and hearts. You are the best mom she could have. God is good and remember every prayer that is offered up across this country is reaching the throne of God. Love you all.